Starving

Dear society, I’m sick of this.

Waking up each morning,

Have to get on the scale before I eat but after I pee.

“Accurate” weight.

Weight is up,

I starve.

Weight is down,

Not down far enough.

I starve.

I’m starving.

Dear society, I’m sick of this.

HCG, counting calories, plastic surgery.

Is that what it takes?

To be beautiful?

Or, actually, just acceptable.

See beauty is a funny thing,

We all have it but we don’t know it.

Blind.

Blind to the beauty within,

Blind to the features that bring out beautiful and infectious smiles.

Blind to the beauty of this world.

Blind, and I’m still starving.

Dear society, I’m sick of this.

Comparing my plate to make sure I have the least.

Ordering a side salad for dinner at a restaurant.

I wanted a burger.

Wearing Spanx under my clothes

Asking “does this make me look fat?”

I’m not fat.

Am I?

Afraid to put on a bikini.

Afraid to go clothes shopping and pick out sizes.

Go home, hands empty.

Starving.

Dear society, I’m sick of this.

Even if I was fat, who are you to tell me I’m not beautiful?

See beauty comes from many different things,

The song of the winds passing through the golden Autumn leaves,

Opening the door for someone clearly struggling to get through,

Smiling.

Hearing a baby giggle contagiously at the simplest things,

Helping out a friend even when your schedule is booked,

Taking time for yourself to relax, pamper, BREATHE.

Laughing.

Yet society tells me I have to be skinny to be beautiful.

Society tells me I have to have a full, voluptuous chest and a round, muscular butt to be beautiful.

Oh, and a tiny waist.

To have straight, white teeth, and golden-tan skin that’s not too pale, but not too dark.

Because that’s unacceptable.

Society tells me I have to have a toned belly to show each indentation of each ab muscle.

Society tells me my arms must be thin, yet muscular,

No “wings flapping in the wind”.

And I MUST be able to wrap my hand around my arm touching my middle finger to my thumb.

Bonus points if they overlap.

I’m still starving.

Dear society, I’m sick of this.

Teaching our kids to weigh and measure their food,

Can’t bring cupcakes to class for your birthday party,

Going to any measure to fit in,

Vomiting, laxatives, promia, proana,

It’s sick.

They’re starving.

Dear society, I’m sick of this.

Instead of judging, comparing, and bringing each other down

Let’s lift each other up.

Let’s celebrate our differences.

Let’s teach our kids what TRUE balance is without stigmatizing the “bad” food or glorifying the “good”.

Let’s allow each other to be nourished.

Let’s embrace the look of curves, apple bottoms, pear shapes, hourglasses, and ovals.

Let’s let the #transformationtuesday pictures go from walking skeletons to thriving humans.

Not the other way around.

I want all of this, but I’m still starving.

Dear society, I’m sick of this.

I’m not asking for everyone to be overweight or obese.

I’m not asking for us to stop striving to be healthy.

Healthy.

I’m asking us to remember the definition of healthy,

Thriving with life.

No ailments.

“In good health”

There’s no weight range, no number on the scale, or size of clothes specified in that definition.

Yet we starve.

We demonize grains, go gluten free, soy free, dairy free, fat free, sugar free, LIFE free,

All for what?

Health?

As if one piece of bread will make my heart stop.

One donut will make me gain ten pounds.

One cookie will give me diabetes.

God forbid I have mac & cheese.

But it’s not true.

Healthy is nourishing my body with the 5 food groups.

ALL 5.

Healthy is allowing myself some ice cream.

Healthy is still having that side salad,

With my entrée.

Healthy is not obsessing over what’s on my plate,

Or better yet, not obsessing over what’s on their plate.

Healthy is acceptance.

Healthy is balance between it ALL.

Why am I still starving?

Dear society, let’s change this.

Be kind.

Be loving.

Be loved.

Be accepting and open minded.

Be fearless.

Be whoever you want to be.

I refuse to starve.

-Lindsey Danner